<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Bedwars is NOT an Innuendo (this time) by emeraldseraph, rozlyn</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29935764">Bedwars is NOT an Innuendo (this time)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/emeraldseraph/pseuds/emeraldseraph'>emeraldseraph</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/rozlyn/pseuds/rozlyn'>rozlyn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Red White &amp; Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bickering, Bisexual Disaster Alex Claremont-Diaz, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Domestic Fluff, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, I have had wine, I swore I would never write fanfic, M/M, Minecraft, POV Third Person, Stressed Alex Claremont-Diaz, Why Did I Write This?, does any of it make sense? my bet is on no -E, please i cant believe i stooped to this low -r, someone stop me before I become a fanfic writer -E, this was written in like a few hours with absolutely no impulse control, very impulsive why the fuck did we do this -r, written at 11pm by 2 tired teenagers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 22:54:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,324</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29935764</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/emeraldseraph/pseuds/emeraldseraph, https://archiveofourown.org/users/rozlyn/pseuds/rozlyn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>So the gay couple is playing Bedwars. Yes, they’re aware of what it sounds like, Henry is practically dying whilst trying to keep himself from fainting every time Alex says, “break the bed.”<br/>“Fucking fuck fuck fuckity fuck, go die in a ditch, asshole, motherfucker,” said Alex, eloquently as always.<br/>“Charming darling.”<br/>Alex, the First Son of the United States, and Henry, the Prince of England, are bridging the 4,000 mile distance between them by resorting to playing a very chaotic game of Minecraft Bedwars. But, of course there's a little interference from some... outside sources.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor, June Claremont-Diaz/Percy "Pez" Okonjo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Round One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 1:<br/>
So the gay couple is playing Bedwars. Yes, they’re aware of what it sounds like, Henry is practically dying whilst trying to keep himself from fainting every time Alex says, “break the bed.”<br/>
“Fucking fuck fuck fuckity fuck, go die in a ditch, asshole, motherfucker,” said Alex, eloquently as always.<br/>
“Charming darling.”<br/>
“Shut the fuck up Henry and go get diamonds.”<br/>
“As you wish dear”<br/>
“I get the distinct feeling you’re being ever so slightly sarcastic, love”<br/>
“Whatever would make you think that dearest??”<br/>
“Nothing. Nothing at all sweetheart.”<br/>
These two grown men being absolutely demolished by the intelligence of Minecraft pre-teens just so happen to be the Prince Of England, and The First Son of The United States. Uh huh, so, clearly we have a lot of hope for the future.<br/>
Another string of swears echoes throughout the halls of the White House as Alex fails to make his bridge and falls to his 5-second-countdown-induced demise.<br/>
“For the love of all things holy and unholy, please let me go to sleep,” groaned Henry, seeing stars as the clock struck 4 AM London time.<br/>
“But-”<br/>
“No.”<br/>
“But baby,” Alex enunciated very intentionally.<br/>
“...” Alex waited a moment, knowing exactly what he was doing.<br/>
“Fine-”<br/>
Alex practically screamed.<br/>
“-but only one more game. And don’t wake June. It’ll be my head on a platter if she doesn’t call Pez tomorrow morning.”<br/>
“Yeah, yeah, hetero shit, I know. I’ll be quiet.” About two seconds later, to the surprise of absolutely no one, least of all Henry, “FUCK FUCK RED RED HENRY RED HELP, FUCK”<br/>
The prince of England sighed, “Dearest, am I to assume you are being attacked again?”<br/>
“NO FUCKING SHIT SHERLOCK, ARE YOU GONNA HELP ME OR NOT?”<br/>
“Love, there’s nothing I can do, you’re quite literally all the way on the other side of the map”<br/>
“FINE I DON’T NEED YOU ANYW-”... “Henryyyy” Alex whined, once again falling into the void, losing another valuable stash of emeralds.<br/>
“Yes the-man-child-I-call-my-boyfriend?”<br/>
“I dieeeedddddd”<br/>
“Yes, I saw” Henry says, noticing Alex’s minecraft skin plummeting off the emerald island.<br/>
“You could at least pretend to care about my death.”<br/>
Henry could see his pout from 4,000 miles away. “Darling it’s slightly hard to take you seriously when you made your username ‘FirstSonOfGettingBitches’”<br/>
“You’re just jealous my name is better Mr. ‘HRHHenry’ this is Minecraft! This is your chance to pull that stick out of your ass and be fun for once!”<br/>
Now, if you’re as confused as I expect you to be at this point, let me explain. These two, obviously mature adult men, are playing a Minecraft game called Bedwars. You would think this was an euphemism, but somehow it isn’t.  It’s just a battle royale of mostly 12 year olds with nothing better to do than hack Minecraft. The goal, of which Alex is not yet succeeding with, is to avoid your own death while wreaking havoc on your neighboring islands, breaking other people’s beds and defending your own. As long as you have your bed, you can respawn when you die, but as Alex soon found out, if the bed is broken, you die. And he was NOT happy about it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Round Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Okay babe, that went pretty horribly” Henry says after their first game. Neither of them had ever played before, and they watched tons of big youtubers play it to do some research. Turns out, as they probably should have expected, the game is a lot harder than it looks. <br/>“It has become clear you’re not going to let this go until we win, so, what’s our strategy?” Henry conceded.<br/>“I dunno. I just wanna stab a bitch.”<br/>“Don’t we all darling.” Henry sighed almost serenely, and slightly off putting given the context.<br/>Alex just smiled at the ceiling, imagining Henry’s quiet concession to his whims, knowing he was losing sleep for Alex so they could play children’s games together.<br/>“Well, clearly you just want to use violence rather than strategy-”<br/>“Hey!”<br/>Henry stayed silent a moment.<br/>“Okay shut the fuck up,” Alex said, without any real malice.<br/>“Didn’t say a word, love.”<br/>“I despise you”<br/>“No you don’t”<br/>“-Anyway, Strategy! Or whatever.” Alex pouted, “It seems like you’re just saying I’m not allowed to rush head first into combat.”<br/>“I never said anything about what you’re allowed to do, just that your current ‘strategy’ is a bit of a- well a miserable failure.”<br/>“Hey! At least I didn’t sit at the base doing nothing the whole round!”<br/>“Alex, if you don’t quiet down I’m going to push you into another cake.”<br/>“Ha! Last time you ended up stuck with this,” Alex gestured to himself before realizing Henry couldn’t actually see him over the phone, “so be careful what you wish for.”<br/>“Uh huh, this time you’ll be paying for the $25,000 carnage so I don’t end up on the opposing end of  my royal asshole of a brother’s “lectures on the responsibility of the crown”<br/>“Whatever, I bet even Phillip-”<br/>“Hey Alex,” Henry said, sounding vaguely amused but also with the air of someone who realized they were never getting out of this.<br/>“Mmm hmm” Alex mumbled.<br/>“The round kind of- started while we were talking, we are very very dead.”<br/>“Nah we’re fine I can carry us to victory-”</p><p>FirstSonOfGettingBitches fell out of the world.</p><p>“Ok so maybe we do need a strategy.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Round Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After another unsuccessful round of swearing and somehow not waking June up, Alex and Henry have somehow come up with some semblance of a strategy. The ever-reckless Alex will go out and gather materials, while Henry stays at the base, protecting the bed so that Alex can be revived after somehow being killed in every way possible.<br/>
There were five minutes left and Henry and Alex remained. They were facing off against the extremely annoying cyan team. They were persistent to a fault and had been attacking with such heavy repetition that Alex hadn’t gotten a single emerald in 10 minutes. Henry was buying and upgrading while Alex stood guard and waited for the one remaining cyan player ‘depressedlesbianpoet’.<br/>
Alex could have sworn he’d heard that phrasing before, but in his rush of adrenaline attempting to win, he let it go.<br/>
Just as Alex is gearing up to run on the attack, the other player unceremoniously drops into the void.<br/>
“What the fuck?” Alex questions as he sees a yellow victory message flash across his screen.<br/>
Alex’s confusion only worsens when he sees a message amongst all the ‘gg’s in the chat.<br/>
HRHHenry&gt; Thanks Nora<br/>
depressedlesbianpoet&gt; no problem hrh prince dickhead<br/>
depressedlesbianpoet&gt; now go the fuck to sleep, boy wonder<br/>
FirstSonOfGettingBitches&gt; WHAT THE ****<br/>
FirstSonOfGettingBitches&gt; BETRAYED<br/>
FirstSonOfGettingBitches&gt; BY MY OWN BOYFRIEND<br/>
FirstSonOfGettingBitches&gt; THE TRAGEDY<br/>
“Alex I’m on the phone, you can talk out loud you know.”<br/>
“Oh, right.”...”WHAT THE FUCK”<br/>
“Listen baby, I have literal laws to debate in just over two hours, so I had to take action-”<br/>
Henry is cut off by a wail that sounds befitting to a pardoned presidential turkey. “WHAT THE ACTUAL LIVING FUCK”<br/>
Henry looks down at the screen.<br/>
First Place: depressedlesbianpoet<br/>
Second Place: HRHHenry<br/>
Third Place: A_Bot_That_Is_Not_Alex<br/>
“I hate my life”</p><p>And as Alex mourned his wrongfully stolen victory, Henry finally drifted off to sleep, 4,000 miles away.<br/>
June blearily knocked on Alex’s door and entered without waiting for a response. “Do you think you could stand to scream a tiny bit quieter?” June asked.<br/>
“I- Henry he- he- the betrayal. He helped Nora hack Minecraft to beat me- June, we have to get revenge.”<br/>
“Oh yeah, I forgot about that. I helped Henry bribe Nora with like seven cases of monster energy, not that she needed the bribe to piss you off.”<br/>
“You... YOU HELPED HIM?! WHAT THE FUCK!! WHAT KIND OF SISTER ARE YOU?!”</p><p>And Nora, a couple rooms down from Alex, heard his rage screams and snickered to herself as she sipped a monster energy.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I swore I would never write fanfiction and yet again I've found a new way to go back on my promises so fuck it I guess. Have fun reading this batshit semi-crack fic situation. It was supposed to be Roz's fanfic that I was going to watch her write and somehow I became a co writer because I can never leave well enough alone. Anyway, enjoy. -Emerald</p><p>hello people who somehow found this fanfic, uhhhhh please don't take it too seriously! we're just two sad, gay teenagers who only find joy in hyper-fixating on fictional characters :,) this was just a little picture i had in my mind and i decided to write it and drag Em down with me, so have fun stooping to this low with us lmao -roz</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>